


Corrupted

by socksfordobby



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-07
Updated: 2011-11-07
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/socksfordobby/pseuds/socksfordobby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Author: socks4dobby</p>
    </blockquote>





	Corrupted

**Author's Note:**

> Author: socks4dobby

Author: socks4dobby

Betas: Bk7brokemybrain, countesszero

Rating: PG-13

Pairings/Characters: Snape/Lupin, Lily Evans

Content Warnings: language, smoking, mentions of child abuse

Word Count: 6,200

Author's Note: Special thanks to Lore for taking hours out of her time to host BLU2 (for which this was originally written), and to my OpenOffice dictionary, for allowing me to add 'lycanthropic' as a word. To those who are concerned, I am still alive and actively working on "Unwell". Thanks for the support!

 **Corrupted**

Their relationship had been doomed from the start.

Remus Lupin had dreamed of going to Hogwarts for years. He had spent countless hours imagining the new clothes his mother would make specially for him, imagining running through the barrier at Platform 9 ¾, imagining sitting down in a compartment and instantaneously becoming one of the cool boys. He had pictured himself ending up in Hufflepuff, just like his father, and dreamed of ending up in Ravenclaw where he could have his intellect nurtured. He felt like he knew all of his future friends already: he had spent countless hours playing with their imaginary doppelgängers in his back garden.

However, it seemed what he had dreamed was not going to come to pass. The Lupin family had lost their carpentry business in July, so there was no money to make new robes. They were enrolled in a Ministry programme that paid for used school robes and books, and while Remus was used to frayed patches and torn yellow pages, he couldn't help but feel inferior to the other children on the platform.

He hadn't had the courage to join any children in the full compartments, so he ended up in a compartment alone, feeling quite down on himself for not being social. His mother had always told him that he needed to be more social, less reclusive, as he already had the lycanthropy working against him in that area. His father just laughed and said that Remus would be more interested in socialising once he was interested in girls.

Remus didn't think he'd ever be interested in girls. They were nice enough, but had cooties. That was worse than lycanthropy, because it couldn't be prevented.

It wasn't until the train started moving that he had company.

A boy with stringy black hair opened the sliding compartment door. "Is this a private party, or can anyone crash?"

"Severus, where did you hear that from? Don't be rude!" The red-headed girl by his side hissed.

Remus didn't really know what to say. "Um, no. No, it's not a private party. You can come in." He scooted next to the window, giving them both plenty of room to sit.

The boy stalked in and took his place across from Remus. His nostrils flared, and though his eyes were hidden by his stringy hair, Remus knew they were angry. He kind of had a sense about those things.

The petite girl sat next to Remus. "Thanks. We were in another compartment, but it was too crowded."

"We couldn't stand the stench."

"Severus!" The girl reproached.

The boy just sneered.

Remus looked down at his hands. He didn't know much about socialising with other children. He had assumed that first-years, like himself, would all be feeling nervous and quiet, and therefore find solace in each other's company. These two were first-years, and they didn't seem anxious at all.

"I'm Lily Cordelia Evans." The girl smiled.

"Is not." Severus, the boy, scoffed. "It's just Lily Evans. You _wish_ you had a middle name."

"I'm Remus." Remus held out his hand for her to shake.

"Remus Lupin." He thought it would be polite to not mention that he had a middle name.

Lily did not shake his hand. "Ladies do not shake hands."

Remus flushed. "Oh. Sorry. I didn't know that."

"Most people don't. Lily just makes up rules," Severus said.

"I do not! It's in this Emily Post book my mum has!"

Remus tried to change the subject. He didn't like arguments or confrontations. "What house do you want to be in?"

"Not Gryffindor." Severus pushed his hair out of his eyes. For the first time, Remus could actually see his eyes. They were dark brown. "If those blokes are going to be in Gryffindor, any house _but_ Gryffindor. Or Hufflepuff. Hufflepuffs are stupid."

Remus didn't know what blokes they were talking about, but he figured it probably had to do with the crowded compartment with the stench. "My father was in Hufflepuff and he's not stupid." He bit his lip. He didn't really want to end up in Hufflepuff, either.

"Of course he's not," Lily said, diplomatically. "I just want to be whatever house Sev is in. Wouldn't it be great if we were in the same house, all three of us? We could be like the Three Musketeers."

Remus made eye contact with Severus, who shook his head slightly. They were both too gentlemanly to remind Lily that she couldn't be a musketeer – she was a girl.

"Are you good at finding things?" Severus asked Remus.

Remus had a very good sense of smell when it came to certain things, but never his possessions. It was quite unfortunate. "Not particularly."

Severus lifted his chin. "Then you can't be a Hufflepuff. They're all good at finding things. Perhaps you will take after your mother and be in her house."

There was a crazy man making a stir over Muggleborns and Purebloods. Remus' father said that it was ridiculous, that no one would take it seriously, and to not be ashamed of his heritage (though to keep the lycanthropy quiet). There was no sense in not announcing it.

"My mother is a Muggle," Remus admitted.

"Really!" Lily put her hands over her mouth. "Sev's dad is a Muggle!"

"Ssh, Lily! You don't tell anyone that! Slytherins can't know about that!" Severus scowled.

Remus' father had also told him not to make any friends in Slytherin. He said you couldn't trust them, that they were bad news. "Well, I'm not going to be a Slytherin, so we don't have to worry about that." He smiled at Severus, hoping that the boy would smile back. He kind of did, after a few moment's hesitation.

When the Sorting Hat called "Gryffindor!" for both Remus and Lily, and "Slytherin!" for Severus, it was quite unfortunate. Not for the reasons one would think, though. He did not give up Severus as his friend just because he was a Slytherin. He instead went against the values he was raised with. After all, they said you couldn't trust werewolves, either.

* * *

Heavy volumes crammed the shelves. The oldest and most valuable were kept high up, out of easy reach. It was rather foolish of Madame Pince to think that putting them high up would keep the students from getting to them. After all, they learned _'Accio'_ very early on in their second-year.

"Sirius is the dogstar," Severus watched Remus' finger underline the passage he was reading.

Severus groaned. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Sirius Black is named after the star, not the other way around," Remus was patient. "Don't blame the star."

"Can it be my least favourite star?"

"Um… sure, I guess." Remus said, uncertainly.

Severus smirked, looking through his Astronomy book for a better star to research. Astronomy was not his strong suit, but Remus was tutoring him in it. He promised not to tell anyone.

"Sirius isn't that bad, you know. I mean, he isn't that funny when he makes fun of people, and he smells kind of bad, but he's nice to me." Remus was unfortunately in Gryffindor, meaning he shared a dorm with the idiot.

"Of course he's nice to you. He's nice to you to piss me off."

Canopus was a good star. He would write his essay on that.

"Severus!" Remus scolded. "Don't be vulgar!"

"Bugger, piss, dick, wank, arse, bitch, shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." Severus' father said much worse all the time to his mother. Those words were only the minor swears.

Remus was very still. "I mean it. Those words can be offensive to some people."

"Those people are too sensitive. They're just words. Are they offensive to you?"

"Umm…"

Apparently not. "Shit, shit, shit, bugger, shit."

"Stop!" Remus said.

Severus looked over his shoulder. "Madame Pince can't hear me."

"Lily goes to church. She wouldn't like it if she heard you swear."

Severus opened another book, tying to appear casual. "She already knows I do."

"Really?" Remus asked. "You're only thirteen, Severus. You're not supposed to use swears until you turn sixteen or seventeen."

"I'm mature for my age."

"Oh." Remus said, quietly. "Does that mean it's okay if I don't use swears right now, too?"

Remus was such a good boy. He made Severus look bad. What Severus saw was a window of Gryffindor-gold opportunity. "Well, I suppose. But McGonagall said in class the other day that you're the most mature in our year, so really, I think everyone expects you to."

Remus paled. "Really?"

"Didn't you hear her?"

Remus nodded. "I did but…" He bit his lip. "Can I practise using those kinds of words around you, first? Just you? Don't tell Lily?"

Severus smiled. "Absolutely."

* * *

"Severus, can I tell you a secret?"

Severus looked at Remus with a new-found interest. He had been under the impression that Remus was angry with him. They had barely spoken in the three weeks since returning to school for their fourth year.

The Astronomy Tower was cold for a September night. Whatever had possessed them to go up there to look at the stars had been plain idiotic. Severus wished to wrap his arms around himself to conserve heat, but had noticed that the older Slytherin boys didn't do that. In an effort to emulate them, he would have to suffer.

"I don't know; can you?" That blasted Sirius kept winking at him. He wanted to obliterate it from the sky.

"Sev, this is really important."

Severus froze, and it had nothing to do with the wind temperature.

Sev. Remus called him Sev. No one except Lily ever called him Sev. Not even Severus' mother. Severus didn't like to be called Sev except by Lily. He had long been adamant that she was the only one allowed to call him that. Not that anyone had tried to.

But from Remus' mouth, it was all right, he supposed. As long as they were in private. Telling Remus he wasn't allowed to act all Gryffindorly friendly was like smashing a puppy on the head with a hammer."

And this is something you couldn't tell me inside? Merlin, it's cold. And I'm doing fine in Astronomy." Severus didn't want to hear Remus' secret. He really didn't. To have a secret was to have a burden, and he really didn't feel like he could take any more weight on his shoulders. His shoulders were skinny.

"I just thought that telling you up here would be… you know, safer."

"Safer? What the fuck are you on about, Lupin?"

Remus bit his lip. "Um, nothing. Um, if you're already that upset, then maybe we should–"p

Severus rolled his eyes. Remus took everything to heart. He really had to learn not to. "I'm not upset. I just want to know what's going on in that head of yours."

"I have a secret."

"So you told me."

"And I'm not allowed to tell anyone."

"Not _allowed_?" Severus looked at him with interest. The forbidden was always more intriguing.

Remus nodded. "My parents said that it would be a bad idea to trust anyone with it. 'Specially Slytherins."

"Your parents are very wise."

"They are."

"Well?" Severus laid down on the cold stone floor. "You can't trust me. I'm a Slytherin, and I couldn't be trusted even if I wasn't one. I know you're pissed with how I am starting to associate with the older Slytherins."

"I'm not pissed. I just miss you."

"You spent quite a lot of time with Potter, Black, and Pettigrew."

Severus was not about to say he missed Remus sometimes, even if it was true. It would be a sign of weakness.

Remus was quiet. "They're my friends."

"And those Slytherins are mine."

"But what's the point of friends you can't trust?"

Severus had been thinking that since he met Remus. "You can't trust me, and we're friends."

Remus pulled Severus up, so that they could see each other. "I want to be able to trust you. That's why I'm telling you my biggest secret. Would you listen?"

There was no secret Remus could have that Severus would tell anyone. They were even, as far as hiding their parentage was concerned. Neither of them liked to tell anyone. It was leverage, however. If they both knew each other's secrets, there would be no telling.

"My dad beats my mum," He announced.

Remus blinked. "What?"

"He drinks a lot, then beats her, and calls her a 'cunt'." Severus confessed. "Then sometimes, after he's tired of beating her, he smacks me around. Once he pushed me down the stairs and I broke my back. Good thing mum's a witch, huh?" He didn't tell him about how his dad used to touch him. He had never told anyone about that.

Remus' eyes filled with tears. "I-I-I didn't know that! I mean, I thought he might hit you and your mum some, but I didn't think it was that bad! I-I-I'm sorry!"

"Sorry for what? Not noticing? You weren't supposed to notice, you nitwit. That's _why_ it's a secret."

Severus watched Remus over the next few minutes in silence. Remus seemed to be more heartbroken over Severus' family life than Severus was. The boy's compassion was something else. He really should have ended up in Hufflepuff.

"Well, my secret is different. Not like a better secret, or you know, worse, but it's important. Not that your secret isn't important – God, Severus, I'm sorry. My secret is just another kind of important, you know?"

"I'm listening."

"Your secret, you could die if you don't tell an adult. My secret, well, if I tell the wrong person, I don't think I'll die, but I might want to." Remus peered over the edge of the Astronomy Tower. "That's why I figured I'd tell you up here. If you take it badly, I can save myself the trip."

Severus scoffed. "Nice – threaten suicide. It can't be that bad."

"It can, actually."

"Try me. Are you a descendant of Helga Hufflepuff?"

"No."

"Do you secretly want to shag James Potter?"

"What? No!"

"Are you in love with Lily?"

"No."

Severus crossed his arms over his chest _not_ , notably, to warm himself. Mostly. "Then you've got nothing to worry about. I won't kill you, or even want to kill you."

"Um, Severus, not to get off topic, but are you in love with Lily?"

That was a highly personal question. The reality of it was that Severus didn't know. He thought he could love her, but he wasn't sure. His dad always said the apple didn't fall far from the tree. He didn't want to end up like his dad and beat Lily. He'd rather marry Sarah Kingsbury, so at least he could beat someone he didn't love. It all sounded so terrible.

"Does it matter?"

"Kind of."

"Why?"

"Because if you do, she needs to know!" Remus blurted out. "She's got her eyes on other blokes."

"You think I haven't noticed that?"

"So you do love her."

Why did Remus care so much? How was it any of his business who Severus loved or didn't love? The boy was so annoying. "What's your secret, Lupin?"

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"I promise I won't tell anyone but Lily."

"Lily knows."

Severus' mouth dropped open, but he quickly shut it. "She _knows_?"

Remus nodded. "And so does Sirius, James, and Peter. They all found out. I've done a better job at hiding my secret from you." He smiled, slightly. "I didn't want you to find out, most of all."

That was infuriating. "That's not fair. I'm supposed to be your best friend."

"Lily knows your dad calls your mother a 'cunt', I'm sure. That's not fair you didn't tell me."

"That's only because Lily can hear him scream it every day. She lives two streets away."

"I'm not human."

"Wait, what?" How could Remus not be _human_? That was ridiculous. Of course he was human! How could he _not_ be human? If he wasn't human, what else _was_ he?

"I'm not human." Remus looked down at his lap.

"So you're part goblin?" Severus knew all about goblins, thanks to History of Magic.

Remus shook his head. "No."

"An alien?" Severus had seen many Muggle films about aliens in the cinema that summer.

"No."

"A vampire?"

"Ugh, no."

There were so many species out there that could look like a human, it was impossible to guess. "Well, don't turn it into a guessing game! Tell me!"

Remus stood up and offered his hand to Severus to pull him up. Remus' hand was rather large for a boy of fourteen, and hairy. Very hairy, in fact.

He jumped to his feet by himself, and scurried backwards. "A werewolf."

Remus' face shone with tears. "I'm not bad, Severus – I swear! I've never hurt anyone! I was just a little kid when I was bitten – I promise I'm not dangerous! Well, except during the full moon. But we're careful then! I'm chained up – I can't hurt anybody!"

Remus was a werewolf. A monster. A Dark creature. Not just not human, not just an animal, but a _creature_. Werewolves were inherently evil. They couldn't be good.

"You tricked me."

"I didn't trick you! I just didn't tell you! There's a difference! You, of all people, know the difference!"

There was a difference most of the time. But Remus had tricked him. "You're a werewolf!"

Remus sniffed. "Yes."

"A creature."

"Yes." Remus wiped his nose with his hand. "But I'm okay when I'm like this, when I'm in human form. I think normally, at least I think I do. I don't really have much to compare it to. But I act pretty normally, don't I? I don't want to eat people, or bite people, or do anything like that."

Severus had not much experience with Dark creatures. His mother was a half-blood, and the Prince family was very closed and private about their affairs. He didn't think he had any relatives bit by a werewolf, or confronted by one. He knew though that they were dangerous.

"I know it is a big deal, but I'm very careful. I'm not minimising what I am, but we have been friends all this time and I have never hurt you." Remus took a step forward. "You can trust me, Severus. Please, trust me."

Severus took a small step back, mindful of the edge of the Astronomy Tower. Were Remus a mastermind, he would have brought them up on the Astronomy Tower because Severus would have nowhere to run. That said, he was intelligent, but not an evil genius. "I can't trust you. What makes you think I can trust you?"

"You have not drawn your wand."

Severus looked down at his right hand. It was empty. He had not, in fact, wielded his wand. Why not? His wand was his lifeline. At thirteen inches, ebony with a dragon heartstring, it was a powerful tool that could protect him against curses, unwanted spells, unwanted people and creatures. He knew more Dark curses that could let him escape off of the Astronomy Tower than his mother had tablets.

And yet, he hadn't used them.

"Sev, please. I'm completely safe right now, all right? I don't transform for another ten days." He bit his lip. "Remember how I wasn't on the Hogwarts Express this year?"

Of course. Severus and Lily had been trapped with Potter, Black, and Pettigrew, with no mediator.

"It was because the first was the full moon, and even though I had time to ride on the train and maybe even eat supper before the moon rose, I didn't. It was too risky." Remus started to take another step forward, but stopped. "I am really careful. I'm not going to say I'm not dangerous, but right now, I wouldn't hurt anyone. I don't want to. Even when I'm Moony, I don't think I want to."

What the hell. "Moony?"

Remus flushed. "Sirius calls my wolf form that. I think he thinks it makes it less evil."

Severus clenched his teeth. "You told them before you told me."

"They figured it out on their own. And I admitted it. Because I could risk losing them as friends! Not you – never you!"

Severus could not accept this. He could not accept his friend as a werewolf. It was disgusting.

But that said, he already had, hadn't he? He _still_ had not wielded his wand against him.

"It goes against every sense of self-preservation I have," Severus said, guardedly. "Self-preservation is a Slytherin trait, and growing up in the house I have… it's everything I am. It goes against everything I am."

Remus closed the gap between them, and wrapped his arms tightly around Severus. "I know."

The wind blew, but they were hardly chilled. Standing there, teetering on the edge of the Astronomy Tower, they held each other close, both well aware that they were abandoning everything they had been taught. Remus, to never tell anyone his lifelong secret and Severus, his stance on risking nothing.

* * *

"Severus, are you awake?"

"Well, if I wasn't, I am now."

"Oh. But you were, right?"

Severus nodded, knowing that the werewolf would be able to see it in the dark. "Yes."

They were sharing Remus' bed. It was the summer going into sixth year, and Severus was spending the end of it at the Lupin home. It was not by choice, however; Severus' mum was nearing the end and his dad was going round the twist. His mum's sisters had intervened and sent Severus off. It was hard to enjoy his time at Remus' when he was waiting for him mum to die.

They would be going back to school the next day, and Severus was looking forward to it. Not towards the studies, Quidditch games, and socialisation with friends, but the escape. At school, he was so busy he could forget his home life for a bit.

He was also kind of dreading it, however. You-Know-Who was on the rise, and many Slytherins were joining his cause. It was only a matter of time before he had to decide whether to cross the line in the sand. He hadn't told any of his friends, Lily or Remus, about his decision. He knew if he told them, they'd talk him out of it. He could not afford to be talked out of it.

"Oh." Remus said. "Sorry. I was just checking."

"You were not just checking. You wanted me to be asleep. Why?"

Gryffindors were terrible liars. Remus was a werewolf, and therefore he was supposed to be evil. Evil people were supposed to be good liars. Remus was the exception.

Remus sat up in bed. "Are you mad at me?"

"For interrupting my descent into dreamland?"

"No. For telling you what I told you."

Remus had dropped another bombshell on Severus that afternoon. Severus wasn't sure how many more he could take from him. First the lycanthropy, and then his homosexuality. What was next? He really didn't want to know.

"I'd rather know the truth than be lied to. Just don't lick Sirius Black's tongue in front of me." Severus was, in truth, not angry at all. In fact, he was a little jealous. Remus had been so sure of himself when he had explained his feelings about men to Severus. He had known, beyond a doubt, that he loved men, not women. Severus hadn't been afforded that luxury.

"Don't be nasty. He doesn't brush his teeth every day, you know." Remus' disgust was evident in his voice. "I don't like him like that. Or James, or Peter. They're more like brothers than boyfriends, you know? They are boys that are friends. They are boys, and they are my friends, but they'll never be my-"

Remus was like a broken record. Of course he wouldn't be playing poof with Black, Potter, or Pettigrew. They were too busy wooing the ladies – Lily, namely – to take it up the bum from Remus.

"I know. Just warn me before you get a boyfriend, okay?"

"Um, okay. Like, before I go out on dates, or- what exactly are you asking? To approve my dates?"

Absolutely not. That would be absurd. "No, I just want to know before you get too involved with someone."

"Why?"

Severus actually wasn't quite sure why. He was a jealous kind of bloke, and didn't want to see Remus with other boys, even if he was spending a sort of time with them that Severus and Remus did not spend together. It made little sense. "It's none of your business."

"It's my boyfriend."

"Not yet." Severus bit his lip. "Like Amos Diggory, for example. If you were to tell me you wanted to go out with him, I would tell you that he has been betrothed since he was ten, and to not waste your time." Amos Diggory was a Hufflepuff who had finished school the previous year.

"I don't think he's gay, Sev." A light flickered in the darkness, before a smoky smell filled the room.

Severus turned on the bedside lamp to find Remus sitting up in bed, smoking a cigarette. "What the fuck, Lupin!" He snatched the cigarette out of Remus' mouth, threw it on the floor, before jumping up and putting it out with his bare foot.

"Hey, those cost money!" Remus protested. He pulled out another cigarette from under his mattress.

"Do you want to get lung cancer?" Severus seethed. "Do you want to die?"

"I'm not even sixteen yet. I'm not going to die." Remus lit the cigarette. "They help take the edge off when I'm anxious, which will probably help my heart health in the end. They are keeping me healthy. Well, except my lungs. Want to try?"

Severus stared at Remus. The boy was so stupid for such an intelligent one. Cigarettes killed. They made you start coughing, then coughing up blood, and then made you die. Severus knew. Severus' mum was dying from smoking. And drinking, And the depression.

"Put it out." Severus' voice was nothing more than a whisper as he tried to keep control of himself.

Remus puffed out smoke. "You're whispering."

"Would you rather me scream?" Remus was such a good boy. He hardly ever did anything wrong, and when he did, he either fessed up or didn't get caught. Did Remus' parents know he was smoking? Severus wasn't a snitch, but Remus was hardly the type to deliberately go against his parents' wishes.

"Relax. They are coming out with potions that take away the bad effects of smoking." Remus patted the side of the bed Severus had been lying in moments ago. "I promise. I could quit at any time."

"How long have you been doing this?" Severus did not get back into the bed.

Remus shrugged. "On and off, all year. Try one. Just one."

"No."

"Scared?"

"No! I'm not stupid!"

"One won't turn your lungs black, Sev. I promise." Remus' eyes were serious. "Come on – you're the one who talked me into my first sip of Firewhiskey. Let me talk you into your first cigarette. I haven't touched that vile stuff since you made me drink it. You don't have to touch a cigarette again after tonight."

Remus was being ridiculous. "And if I don't, you'll tell all of Gryffindor that wee little Snapey is too afraid to smoke."

"Of course not!" Remus flicked the ashes into a small tin soup bowl on his bedside table. "It's a secret, just between us. Lily smokes sometimes, you know."

"She said she quit."

"Oops?" Remus took another long drag. "Well, if she did, it must have been very recently. I saw her doing it at James' earlier this summer."

Severus gritted his teeth. He was losing Lily. Spending time with Remus had inevitably led to her spending time with James Potter. Now she had a new best friend. Or a boyfriend.

"Give me one of those. Just one."

"Of course." Remus lit one of the white death sticks and handed it to Severus. "Start slowly."

Severus choked on the smoke. "Fuck!"

"That happens to everyone their first time. Slowly. Don't take too much at one time. See?" Remus demonstrated drawing in the smoke, and blowing it out. "We're like dragons."

* * *

Remus' tongue explored every crevice of Severus' mouth. The places that had never been explored by another human being with quite that passion. He knew it had never been explored by anyone, actually. No one loved Severus like he did, and and would find the taste of his mouth as pleasing.

He gasped as Severus bit down on his lip. Despite how erotic their time spent together could be, it always came back down to the fact that they were eighteen-year-old nitwits, one with little experience whatsoever.

"Careful!" He turned his head to the side so his mouth could be free to speak; the move did not deter Severus, whose possessive kisses began descending down Remus' neck. "The blood... don't-"

He gasped as Severus' tongue swirled around his throat, his pulse. For one so inexperienced, he was quite good at foreplay.

"Sev-Severus, we need to slow-slow down," he tried to push Severus off of him, but despite his lycanthropic strength, could not. He was still trembling from the last orgasm. "We have- all night. They will be here, and I- hardly- my parents-"

Severus laughed, his mouth now back up playing with Remus' earlobe. "Don't want to let them see their little boy corrupted?"

It wasn't that. His parents knew he was gay. They wanted to close their eyes to it, though. They could hardly do that if they walked into their son's flat to see him naked, under an equally naked man.

"It's not- oh, god, Severus!" Severus' long thin fingers had always been adept at making potions, but apparently they were adept at other things, as well.

Severus looked up, eyes glazed in what could only be called arousal. "Do you- oh, fuck!"

"What? What's-" Remus didn't get to finish asking, because Severus threw his white shirt up against Remus' lip. When he pulled it away, there was bright red blood.

"Oh, bugger." Remus groaned, sliding down until he was flat on his back. His erection, throbbing and desperate for the attention from Severus' mouth the rest of him had been getting, protested the sudden stop of sexual activity. "How much of it did you get in you?"

"None, I don't think. It takes a lot of werewolf blood to materialise into something dangerous through digestion." Severus' mouth did not have any blood around it, but he wiped it off on his hand just to be sure.

That was when Remus saw it. An ugly, deformed picture inked on Severus' forearm.

"What the hell!" He leapt up, blood and erection forgotten. He grabbed Severus' forearm, to double-check what he thought he had seen.

He had seen what he thought he had. A tattoo of a skull and snake. His Mark. Voldemort's Mark.

You-Know-Who had gained incredible power over the last two years. He had hundreds of followers, but a select few, it had been rumoured, were inducted into a special group. Those inducted got a tattoo to show their loyalty. The tattoo was of a gruesome image, the same image that rose in the sky every time You-Know-Who or his followers mercilessly slaughtered Muggles, Muggleborns, or their supporters.

Sirius insisted on calling You-Know-Who 'Voldemort', his name. Remus tried, but it was hard when you knew how much weight the name carried.

How had Remus never seen that Mark on Severus before? They had made love countless times before. Severus was rarely shy in hiding his body… was it new?

Severus grabbed the bloodied shirt and began pulling it on his body. "Remus, don't overreact."

How could one overreact to finding out that their lover was a murderer, or even supported a murderer? Remus knew that Severus claimed to have a 'high respect' for Voldemort, but Remus did, too; you had to have a high respect for someone who would kill you, the same reason you had a high respect for a pipe bomb.

The back of the shirt was dotted in blood, but it didn't matter – Remus didn't think he would let his parents in the door that night.

Remus lifted the sleeve of Severus' shirt, continuing to stare at the Mark. Severus arm, pale, thin, not as hairy as Remus' own, was marred. Marred with the sign of evil.

"Your father is a Muggle," was all he said.

" _Was_ a Muggle," Severus spat. "He's dead now."

If that was meant to surprise Remus, it failed. It didn't surprise him in the least. After Severus had hinted towards his father molesting him as a child, several years back, Remus wasn't surprised that Severus had killed him.

"You joined to kill Tobias Snape? Fuck – I would have killed him for you if you wanted revenge so badly! You didn't have to go-"

"I didn't do it to kill him. I did it to help us." Severus, standing there in naught but a bloodied shirt, hardly looked as imposing as he was trying to. "If the Dark Lord trusts me enough to Mark me, that means so much for us. That means you are guaranteed exemption from his plans. If he tries to wipe out all half-bloods or werewolves, you're safe. Because not only are you with me, but you're gay and can prove it – you won't produce impure children because you can't produce. You're a werewolf, but you're not a-"

"Don't you dare make this about me!" Remus took a step back. He began throwing on the clothes that had been hastily thrown off not long ago.

"Remus, listen." Severus slipped on his trousers. "I am scared for you. For us. We are half-bloods. The Dark Lord does not intend on killing all half-bloods. When I joined with him, I was guaranteed immunity. And you with me."

Remus wasn't listening. He couldn't listen. "Why didn't you talk to me? Don't you think I want some say in my future? I tell you everything – I told you all about the army Dumbledore is setting up! Did you tell Voldemort about that? Did you? Shit, you probably did. You bastard! You-"

"Calm down. I didn't tell him anything." Severus picked up the half empty box of cigarettes and handed one to Remus. "Have a smoke."

Remus took one and stuck it in his mouth – Severus lit it for him. "I don't understand you! You aren't supposed to be impulsive! You're supposed to think things through, and- we both wanted to be in Ravenclaw, remember? There's a reason for that! We aren't impulsive! If one of us was – which we're not! - it would be me! I'm the Gryffindor! You could have at least-"

"This was hardly an impulsive decision. I have laboured over it for years."

"Years? Fucking _years_? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you would try to talk me out of it! You're getting red in the face, and it's too late to owl your parents for a rain check. Breathe."

Remus sat down on their bed that was stained with semen. He stared at their blue walls, blowing smoke rings at the bare light bulb in an attempt to calm down.

How did he not notice the Mark before now? How had he not noticed a change in Severus' behaviour? When had Severus gotten the Mark – surely Remus would have noticed Severus leaving their flat at odd hours of the night? Severus _didn't_ leave their flat at all hours of the night. They were up half of the night having sex! He was with Severus all the time, except for when Severus was at work, or when Remus was looking for a job. When could he have possibly-

"I killed my father. I tortured him, and I killed him. I have no regrets. Anyone who does that to a kid should be brutally beaten, castrated, bloodied, drowned, hung up by his toes to dry, and then killed.

Remus' mouth dropped open.

"The Dark Lord was with me." Severus continued. "He awarded me with the Mark afterwards."

"Don't act like it was an accident." Remus huffed. "You wanted the Dark Mark. You were aiming for it."

"I was. For us." Severus wrapped his arm around Remus, laying his head on his shoulder. "You have to trust me."

Despite the circumstances, Remus snorted. "Whenever I trust you, I end up getting in trouble."

"And this time is no exception."

 **The End**


End file.
